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24.11.2011 01:15 Age: 7 yrs

Funerals & Snakes Updated

Review: Twilight- Breaking Dawn part 1, Project Nim, The Whistleblower and Snow Flower and the Secret Fan


There are now four films in the Twilight “saga” which means I’ve spent 493 minutes in the Twilight universe, at least 492 of them wishing I was somewhere else. The latest episode, Breaking Dawn Part 1 follows the Harry Potter strategy of not separating uncomplaining fools from their money once when you can do so twice, and thankfully is the least rotten of the four films.

All of the “will they, won’t they” nonsense has been leading to this so — at least narratively speaking — they are finally getting on with it. After the longest wedding scene in cinema history — of films that don’t have the word ‘wedding’ in the title — Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) head off to a remote Brazilian island to play chess on the beach and consumate their relationship.

 

After three films worth of mooning over whether they could even be, ahem, physical with each other without Edward losing the plot and doing that vampire bitey thing, he manages to keep himself mostly in check and turns in a creditable boudoir performance. The good news doesn’t last long, however, and it turns out that his madly powerful vampire seed has unexpectedly made poor Bella pregnant and she is now carrying something that even know-it-all Carlisle Cullen (Peter Facinelli) hasn’t seen before.

I shouldn’t be so glib I suppose. These films are made for fans of the books who have become fans of the films. An opening weekend of over $283 million US bucks is not to be sneezed at and all of these films have proved over and over again to be critic and reviewer-proof. But what am I supposed to say? That it doesn’t matter that the writing is dreary, the acting is flat, the effects are cheesy and the message is dubious?

Breaking Dawn at least moves the story on a bit — while still being the shortest of the four films so far — and manages to incorporate some knowing gags into the largely po-faced material so there is hope that next year’s final instalment might make the long tedious journey worthwhile.

READ THE FULL REVIEW AT FUNERALS & SNAKES


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CINEMATICA IS GOING LIVE IN WELLINGTON

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